Confessions & Vulnerability

You might not know this but I died a little when I wrote this post. Because I made a confession. I remember writing the post, reviewing the draft and debating whether I should  publish it.

It felt so vulnerable about the post. And the longer I waited to publish it, the more ashamed I felt. The voices in my head said people would read it and think less of me. That I should know better. And that I could handle the issue on my own.

But then something happened. I realized sharing my struggles ~ even before I had good answers ~ was a step in faith. So I published it. The post went out. And I suddenly felt free. Not because all my problems were gone. No. Not at all. Matter of fact, I was only at the beginning of dealing with things.

I felt free because I was actually taking a step in the right direction. Acknowledging an issue in my life, getting help with it and believing that God cares about everything. And I mean everything. 

I am not sure what keeps us locked up tight in the little boxes in our head. But I know what some of it sounds like:

  • Shame says, “You should know better.”
  • Isolation says, “You are the only one.”
  • Pride says, “Don’t let anyone know.”
  • Independence says, “You can handle it alone.”

I don’t want to be a shame-filled, isolated, proud, independent person.

I want to be a grace-filled, connected, humble, dependent person.

Yes, even dependent. I know that doesn’t sound very appealing, does it?

But in actuality, it is appealing. Because it’s in dependence that I get out of that box ~ and closer to God. And it’s in dependence that I get out of that box ~ and have community with you.

I don’t know where you are on your journey. But I do want to let you know that you don’t have to do it alone. You never have to do it alone. And on the other side of all those ridiculous voices telling you to keep quiet and try harder ~ there is God that loves you. And He wants to give you rest. 

“Beware of refusing to go to the funeral of your own independence.”

 ~ Oswald Chambers

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