dear daughters: don’t get married if …

dear daughters … is a series where I talk to my girls about stuff. I’d like to invite you to talk about stuff too. Today, it’s about marriage. And commitment.

dear daughters susie davisdear daughters …

Okay, this is heavy. So first let me remind you how much I want you to get married and have a family. Gracious. Nothing would give me more joy.

But lately I have watched so many marriages fall apart. In the church, out of the church. It doesn’t seem to matter any more. Married adults making childish choices, calling it quits.

And I’m listening to so many of your twenty-something single friends trying to sort out how marriage is supposed to work. Your friends … who don’t know where to spend the holidays. Because their dad and mom are no longer together.  Homes that held whole families now ripped apart.

These situations scare me. For you. And for your sweet friends. Girls who are at the age when a marriage decision is just right around the corner. So I decided to create a ‘don’t get married if’ list. These are things worth considering.


  • You are not willing to drop e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g to stay married. Your job, your hobbies, your life goals. Everything.
  • You are not going to commit to loving a man through difficult health issues. Surgeries and things like that but also more serious stuff like Alzheimer’s …
  • You are not ready to stay with a man through financial failures including job loss or mismanagement of money.
  • You are not willing to love your husband more than your career. And whatever esteem you get working at your job. Or the money you bring home.
  • You are not ready to quit a job when there is a strong attraction to a boss or a co-worker that rivals your attentiveness to your husband.
  • You are not willing to forgive your husband for not ‘understanding’ you. For not ‘fulfilling’ you. For not meeting all the expectations you have of him.
  • You cannot put aside the ridiculous notion that the goal of marriage is happiness.

You might notice these are all things in your control. And nothing about what your future husband should be.* Yes. Because you are only in control … of you.

The thing to remember is: the whole goal of marriage is glorifying God.

So don’t get married if …

 Let me know what you think.

*A reminder ~ your dad and I are more than willing to ask your fiance the hard questions. ;)

photo: kate stafford