dear daughters … is a series where I talk to my girls about stuff. I’d like to invite you to talk about stuff too. Today, let’s dive deep into dating. And marrying the right guy.
I know, I know. You’re both like: Mom, really?
Yes, we’re going there. Because you’re both in your 20’s now …
And because the truth is, whether you admit it or not ~ you’re thinking about marriage. All-the-time. Not in a pinning dresses and rings on pinterest sort of way but in a screening potential men sort of way. When you meet a guy and there’s even a teeny little attraction, the kind that makes you open your eyes and smile brighter, you’re screening. It’s … hmmm, he’s cute. Could I like this guy?
No shame in that. It’s super normal. And I even think it’s healthy. Y’all know I’m a dating advocate. I certainly did my fair share before I met your dad.
Finding that one guy to spend your whole life with is worth thinking about a long time. And it’s worth bumbling through some not-so-great dates. Because marriage is a BIG deal.
Of course, not all dateable men are marriage material. I know you know that … but how about a list?
the ‘Marry Mr. Right’ list
- He loves Jesus. More than you. More than his job. More than money. Or anything else.
- He has a hard time keeping his hands off you. Sexual attraction, chemistry, whatever you want to call it is important. Now and later. If he’s uninterested physically, that’s just weird. Walk away.
- He has a hard time keeping his hands off you BUT HE DOES. He does not ask for sex ~ or anything that vaguely resembles sex ~ before marriage. (See #1)
- He will not compromise your reputation because he is lazy or selfish. In other words, he values and works hard to protect your p-u-r-i-t-y. (ie: would not hesitate to pay for two hotel rooms on a trip even if y’all were going to ‘sleep in separate beds’ in the same hotel room.) Yes, that’s so old-fashion but it’s also awesome.
- He works to protect you. Be on the look-out for a guy that wants to protect you. From creepers. From stray dogs on the street. From oncoming traffic. From just about anything that could harm you. That’s a man’s job.
- He wants to provide for you. This might seem stereo-typical but if a husband’s role mirrors Christ’s role (see Ephesians) then he seeks to provide. I think you catch glimpses of this when dating. Paying for your meals, etc. While I’m all about your financial independence should one of you become the next Taylor Swift, marry a man that’s driven to provide. And let him.
- He tries to lead spiritually. Not saying he has to be big and preachy in his leadership. Not at all. He can lead quietly. But there should be a spiritual aspect in the relationship you admire and want to follow. Do you respect who he is in Jesus? This is important. SO important.
- He has a heart for your family. You might think I threw this in and it’s self-serving. But this one can be a huge-o big deal later if he genuinely dislikes us. Your heart will get ripped in two loving a man that disdains your family. He should have a tenderness toward us because of you. No matter how crazy we are. (And we are. God bless his heart.)
- He would die for you. Yes, I know this sounds over the top. But I’ve watched your dad die for me in a thousand tiny ways. Most recently in this heinous health struggle called RSD, I’ve watched him die to his work schedule, his recreation habits, and his future plans. Your dad dies for me all the time. Let him be your example.
Okey-dokey. That’s a good start.
So moms … did I miss anything? And all you daughters out there … any push back?