My youngest daughter, Sara, is moving out of the house today … and this mama’s heart is all in pieces on the floor.
I have tried to hold it together. Contain my grief, measure my responses, and keep it all together in tidy little boxes tied up with bows. But oh, this weekend …
I’m sad to say, this last weekend, I was a colossal mess. On Friday, I lectured long about her lack of planning for the move. Then on Saturday, I exploded because she brought in a box from the garage without first cleaning it off. Later that evening, I fumed silently because she chose to spend time with a friend instead of shopping with me.
Bad responses. If I hadn’t been reading through Lysa’s new book Unglued, I probably wouldn’t have seen it so vividly, so painfully. But I’ve come unglued. Here in the final hour, I’m not the mom I want to be. And certainly not the mom I want Sara to remember as she heads into this new season of her life.
Lysa wrote, “Outward expressions are internal indications. If our outward expressions are unglued, there’s some brokenness internally.” Yes, I’m broken. While I thought all my emotions were innocent ~ and acceptable ~ they’re not. My grief turned angry, spewing all over the place because …
I want to see her face every morning. I want to make her breakfast, talk about her day and hug her as she walks out the door. In the afternoon, I want to hear her keys hit the kitchen counter. Then I want to hear her singing in her room. Later, I want to watch The Office with her. And at night, I want to hear her strumming her guitar through my bedroom wall. Gosh, I just want to keep Sara here with me. Just a little bit longer. And I won’t say a thing about how she leaves her Chacos any old place she wants. Waaahhh.
My grief got a case of the mean reds … and I turned greedy, grumpy, ungrateful and unglued.
The good news is (as Lysa so graciously points out over and over again in her book) God is in the business of helping broken people. So I know He wants to help me be the mom Sara needs. And the mom I desperately want to be.
And the best news of all, is Jesus is the glue. He literally holds all things together. Sara, me … and you, too.
If you have a chance, say a little prayer for me today. I’ll be helping Sara unpack her things in her brand new place. Hopefully acting like a sane and loving grown-up. ;)
Meanwhile, if you’d like to get your hands on Lysa’s book Unglued … I’ve got good news! I’m giving away a couple copies. All you have to do to enter is let me know (in the comments below) about something you love about those people in your life that sometimes make you come unglued and I’ll start … I love Sara leaving her green Chacos any old place she wants.
I’m gonna miss that.
Praying you have a beautiful day today,
sd ~ the good news girl
*This giveaway is open until midnight (CST) Thursday August 23rd, 2012 ~ the day I hope to have stopped texting Sara because I miss her so much. Winners announced Saturday August 25th, 2012 ~ the day my husband confiscates my phone if I have not stopped texting Sara. Two gift books are kindly provided by Lysa’s publisher, Zondervan.