when you wonder where God is …
I’ve written this post in my head about 17 times. And today ~ God willing ~ I’ll actually do it.
For over a month I’ve been recovering from a hand injury + surgery. I assumed I’d take the recuperation time catching up on my writing life via Dragon. Total joke. Instead, I’ve been babying my right hand and watching too much HGTV, Food Network and Honey Boo Boo.
And as June folded slowly into July, I spent my days managing pain created not by the surgery ~ but by the nerves over-reacting from the injury. All those little guys took me down. Literally. I slept. I wept. I crept around my house like a cat with barely enough energy to respond to texts and emails, let alone get out of house.
Twice in the last month, I cried so hard I could barely breathe. Not very good news girlzy, huh?
The first time, I got myself to Linda’s house. It was talk and time and wine that helped me push past the darkness. Thank God for my sister. Her home is safe. She doesn’t ask me to be anything. She didn’t preach or predict why God has me in a small, quiet place. She just listened and poured wine.
The second time, I battled it out in the bathtub alone. With my casted right arm hanging out of the tub and tears streaming down my face, I begged God for help. To get through. To make it. For healing. In my hand and my mind and my spirit.
Where are you, God? Will you help me today? Take the pain away today?
It was desperate moments like these and the thousands in between that have brought new balance to my life. A simplicity in schedule and vision because I was doing far too much. Of everything. A ridiculously ambitious to-do list that was fun but also frustrating. Made me feel ever behind and susceptible to comparison.
Wreck your right hand, pack on pain and just try to keep up … no.
I slowed down. I do things in an everyday sort of way. I commit cautiously and with an open hand to future commitments. Because I am fragile. And I don’t know God’s plans.
The weakness has reminded me of the important things. The things fragile people need most.
God. And grace.
I want to give away what I need most: encouragement. And gentle reminders. That He still has this thing. And He’s still listening. And He really hasn’t gone anywhere at all.
Maybe you need this too? A place like my sister’s house. A home where the people don’t expect you to be a certain somebody or something. People who don’t pretend to know all the answers.
… maybe you need good news?
I’ll be spending more time sitting and thinking and praying on how all this will impact my ministry here. I can say tentatively that it involves scaling back in some areas. It will likely involve some collaboration with my niece, Kate Stafford. But no matter what … change is sure.
My talented web designer and friend Lauren will be revamping my site soon to reflect a new focus. I’m hoping you’ll stick around or even invite your friends. The ones who need encouragement and life-giving reminders.
I’d love prayers for my right hand and those hyper-rebellious nerves. But mainly that I could be patient in God’s plans. Cling to Him no matter.
Thanks for sitting with me. And listening.
sd ~ the good news girl