Alexandra Kuykendall | Dear Daughters 43

 Alexandra Kuykendall lives in Denver, Colorado with her husband and four daughters, where she writes about relishing life, hosts The Open Door Sisterhood Podcast with our mutual friend Krista, and speaks about expectations, contentment, and purpose. She worked for MOPS International for ten years and still regularly contributes to their blog.

In this episode of The Dear Daughters podcast, we talked a lot about releasing expectations this Christmas (which she talks about in her new book), focusing on what matters, and the beauty of brokenness. Alex also shared the recipe for her home-run holiday dessert. ;)

I can’t wait for you to meet Alex. Here’s the interview on Dear Daughters Episode 43.


Much of change happens when you change your perspective. ~ Alexandra Kuykendall

My husband always says, “You see God through the lens of your earthly father.” ~ Susie Davis

Alex’s advice to her 20-year old self : Be kinder to your husband, and give him more freedom to dream.

 When we think there’s a right way, we hold on to it really tight, and then we start defending it. I wish that in my heart I had been a little more open. ~ Alex Kuykendall

Somewhere we absorbed these expectations of what Christmas should be. It could be our childhood, it could be a reaction to our childhood. It could be pinterest, it could be commercials. Somewhere- consciously and unconsciously- we get this expectation of what Christmas should be. All these voices telling us. And then we take on that responsibility to make it happen, because we want to do the right thing. ~ Alex Kuykendall

There is a yearning. We know there is something special about Christmas. What we yearn for is the baby, is the Messiah, Emmanuel, God With Us. But we can’t often articulate it, even if we are people of faith. We think we just need to make everything magical. ~ Alex Kuykendall

One of Alex’s filters for minimizing the Christmas crazy-making is to ask, “Okay, what is my motive here? what am I trying to correct?”

If there’s some area of difficulty or grief in our lives, during the holidays it’s heightened because it’s an annual marker. We can all remember where we were a year ago on Christmas morning. Which means we can go back to that place of what we thought life would be like a year later, and maybe life isn’t the way we had pictured it. ~ Alex Kuykendall

All the crazy chaos we choose is sometimes is a cover-up for something deeper. ~ Alex Kuykendall

We’re trying to fix things that are broken. and we’re all so ridiculously broken, even at our best. That’s why Jesus came. To heal us. ~ Susie Davis

Christmas often requires us to look at our own brokenness, and look at why we feel like things aren’t the way we wish they were and why we don’t feel like we have enough. ~ Susie Davis

We don’t have enough time, we don’t have enough money, we don’t have enough wholeness.  So we buy the lie that if we work harder we will feel better when in reality, it’s all from God’s hands. And every piece of it is grace. ~ Susie Davis

Maybe it is just that Christmas highlights the baby so much, that it sheds even more God-light on our broken condition. And honestly the last thing you want to feel at Christmas is all broken and goopy and like you need to be in therapy. You want to feel magical. ~ Susie Davis

God came so we might know His love. And He came because He knows our hearts are broken. If you are brokenhearted this season, you are that much closer to the heartbeat of this holiday. That might feel counter to what the world is telling you… but really, the heartbeat of the holiday is that God is with us in the muck and in the grief. ~ Alex Kuykendall

Joy is pushing in and past our circumstances. ~ Alex Kuykendall

We don’t totally understand the baby unless we look at it in context of the Cross. God’s grace is what demonstrates to us what we are worth. ~ Alex Kuykendall

If we want peace and joy, we can’t do it without looking at our own brokenness. And then we’re invited to look on His on the cross where He bought wholeness for us. ~ Susie Davis

Ask yourself, what do I want to remember a year from now, or ten years from now, about this Christmas? Then put those things on the calendar and try to say no to as many other things as possible.~ Alex Kuykendall

We can’t overdo remembering The Story. ~ Alex Kuykendall

Alex’s advice to minimize financial stressors over the holidays? The bottom line is, come up with a bottom line.

We’re going to disappoint people today, but what I don’t want to do is disappoint God. ~ Susie Davis

To live your life with a crystal clear clarity seems like one of the best things you can do for your life and the lives of the people that you love. ~ Susie Davis

This is a Christmas that we won’t get back. So how do we want to live it? ~ Alex Kuykendall

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… grateful, grateful for Davis sharing their music for the DD Podcast. :)